loss

Fears of Tears

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To grieve is to gather what you can no longer see,
Through exposed tired irides and a heart full of debris.

In the forefront of my mind, a special place that you’d reserved,
I guess you’re lucky you left first so as to avoid all of this hurt.

Memories of our time together, not even remotely compared,
To the love that you gifted me in the home that we shared.

I would give everything that I have left within me, to see you run through that door,
To hold you in my arms again and catch a breath of that scent that I adored.

You took such a piece of me that night that you left, an empty void that remains within the constraints of my chest.

Now I just exist here without you, a lump in my throat that feels like a thousand tethers,
Left to reminisce how special our time was together.

Destination Isolation

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Lonliness is a drug that long surpasses the night, wears off in the unconscious but comes back in the light.

An addiction easy to fall into, to avoid vulnerability, mistaking carelessness and numbness for a state of tranquillity.

No existing treatment or cure but to open your heart, to someone who could effortlessly tear it apart.

Finding distractions and errands to help my brain to adjust, but in between each task, resurfaces another memory of us.

They say time heals all wounds, but this particular scar I don’t want to conceal, because at the twilight of each day, when the lonliness sets in, at least I know what we shared was real.

Make a Witch

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I’ve been kicked, beaten and burnt at the stake,

The sorry lone victim of his unfeasible hate.

Whenever the chemicals took hold, and he shifted his gaze,

His pupils grew wide with an undefeatable rage.

I used every little ounce of strength that I had left,

To defend my heart before it was theft.

But it was shattered into pieces that I couldn’t recover,

And I left them with him when I became the insignificant other.

I went away for a while to be with my self,

But my trust for people deteriorated, along with my health.

Awakening anxiety ridden by day, with a force that drew me back to bed.

And the screams of our memories circling around in my head.

I eventually moved on to a man that I felt kept me safe,

He taught me how to heal and again to be brave.

But before long my heart was brought back to me by the one,

Sewn loosely atop a silver platter that glistened in the sun.

So I strayed from the path that I walked with my head held high,

And ran back to the man who once wished I’d die.

Although he was back to his old self, and in love again I’d fall,

After a week of bliss I realised that he hadn’t changed at all.

The future we had envisioned was all traded in for a hit,

And then I began to understand that our old flame could no longer be lit.

I stumbled around, still wounded, trying to find my old ways,

Still hoping that he’d get clean and come back to me someday.

But then something unexpected happened, and caught me completely off guard,

You came out of nowhere, and in your hands held my heart.

No sign of a single stitch, and no pieces were out of place,

You planted it in my hands, and quietly studied my weary face.

Viewing my tortuous celluloid, through the windows of my eyes,

You witnessed a lot of my pain, as I held your hands in mine.

I tried my absolute hardest, to heal first and make you wait,

But turns out it’s pretty fucking hard to ignore an undeniable fate.

I leapt courageously toward you, expecting to once again fall to my knees,

But you caught me and encouraged me to finally set my mind free.

You guided me back to my light that for so many years was lost and dimmed,

And for the first time in many years I don’t wake with thoughts of him.

I’m scared to what obstacles this love will bring as we further pursue,

But I know I’ll remain safe because I’m together, falling with you.

Knight in shining harm her.

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When you’re living in a version of hell, but you don’t encompass the strength to fight.

You’ve fallen so deep that you’ve lost your light.

Melting abroad, as you drag your defeated body over a bed after bed of coals.

Another casualty to the cesspool of broken hearts and souls.

There was a knight who existed in a place concealed to your naked eye.

But he too fell victim to a life he lived a lie.

Powerless, he dove down to save you, only to tear your world apart.

And all that he retrieved was the remains of a girl who lost a battle with her heart.