Author: LonelyLily

Margarita Metamorphosis

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Thirty-four years, some gentle, some wild,
Some I survived by fate’s mercy, beguiled.
I traded my misery for mariachi’s song,
Nights that felt empty for nights I belong.

Restless hours for slumber so deep,
Medication for clarity, peace in my sleep.
Anxiety shifted to sweet anticipation,
Heartache transformed into quiet elation.

Fear became courage, and pain turned to grace,
Now warmth and love fill each sacred space.
I can’t claim you’re the reason for every mile,
But these past few months? The best by a while.

I marvel each day at your strength, your embrace,
Your kindness, your spirit, the light on your face.
The greatest of gifts that my life could receive,
The puzzle complete — when you placed the last piece.

Ben here before

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What a sweet surprise you were, when I was beginning to give up,
A lost soul without purpose, with plans of giving up.
Giving up on love to affliction, no corners to be turned,
But you my dear, a breath of fresh air, an unexpected stone unturned.


We together come with our baggage, an abundance of a fear of flying,
But when I fall from the sky, I know you will catch me, and rid my fears of dying.
It’s still early days, and the last thing I want is to scare you,
But you’re effortlessly perfect for me, and I would love for this to continue.


We’ve lost love before, but with you I’m hoping to reignite,
I’m so grateful for you, in the wake of every morning, and the slumber of our late nights.
How serendipitous it was, to come together, how we first fatefully met,
And waking up next to you, in the cold of winter’s morning, has been a comforting pleasure, that I will never forget.


Who knows where we go from here, but I’m excited and eager to find out,
And I look forward to the journey, from present to future, with not an ounce of a single doubt.
The butterflies that flutter within the hole of this very chest,
And the excitement and fear of what I have to expect from you next.


But for now at least, I’m very smitten within the grasp of your warm embrace,
And nothing makes me happier, than the sight of your kind and beautiful face.
I’d love to be your future, rather than the forgetful past,
And I really hope that we can make this work, and for every moment to last.


I can’t wait to see what happens with us, because I have the best feeling,
And you’ve come about at the perfect time, to give my hard work in this life some meaning.
I want you to feel good, quite literally all of the time,
And I want to make you happy, in this life, in this great divide.


Should we not work out at the end of the day, I would hope that I still made you happy and content,
And gave you memories to cherish, and feelings to hold, ’til your very last breath.
Though I don’t think that’s a concern right now, as we are still learning how to see,
And I believe in us, in you, in our time, and what could eventually decree, hopefully.

Ashleigh

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At your lowest of lows, you offered me your hand, but at the time I was just numb, confused, and didn’t truly understand.


Lonesome, lost, and homeless, I just wanted to run away, and through the dark, out of the blue, you offered me a place to stay.

We hadn’t spoken in a while, and I wasn’t sure if it was right, so I refused your generous offer and continued my solitary fight.

Little did I know, it would be the last time we would speak, when I discovered, not long after that, you’d given in to defeat.

So many questions and thoughts, as to why you never asked for assistance, but I guess that makes for the both of us, not wanting to burden each other’s existence.

Witness to your restful slumber, surrounded by mahogany, and circling though thoughts of how you would feel if it were me.

I guess it got a bit too much, and I wish I was there more to help you, and maybe if I hadn’t been so caught up in my own shit at the time, you wouldn’t have pursued.

How you dredged me out of the darkness, when I was comfortable hiding away, and taught me I could be myself in every single way.

You taught me that no matter how crazy things got, I had to just look after my self, for there was a tiresome journey ahead, illuminated by a clear path, to get me through all the pain that I was dealt.

I guess you saw no other option, no escape, no light, when you climbed up into that tree and surrendered your will to fight.

I miss you my dear friend, and I think about you all the time, haunted by flashbacks of the bruises across your neck, that no amount of makeup could hide.

But I hope you’re resting peacefully now, and I can’t thank you enough, for being one of the reasons why, I hadn’t given up.

Sweet Screams

Dreams, Sleep Paralysis

When the cruel grasp of reality buries its claws in your subconscious mind,
Igniting hallucinations that turn against you when you try to unbind.


Warped memories and illusions of incidents of fate,
Translate into a visual nightmare where there’s no escape.

You struggle to regain consciousness, anxiety like gravity pulling you further below,
Being chased by self-inflicted entities from trauma deeply sowed.


Desires evolving into disparities, interrupting your sedated slumber,
All a small part of the risk you take when you put yourself under.

Unmedicated insomnia jeopardising each small chance of reprieval,
With each fatigued opportunity follows an exposure to evil.


Stimulation and serotonin working well against your favour,
As you try to manipulate your destination through unlearned behaviours.

Paralysed occasionally from the journey back through the threshold,
Chained to your resting place by a force unseen and untold.


Breaking the spell that has you bound, afraid, crippled, and wheezy,
And surrendering to the unwelcome episodes of your brain, isn’t always so easy.

But within the peril comes a chance to escape to somewhere unique and reserved,
A reality completely uninterrupted and undisturbed.


Unlimited lucid landscapes and scenarios lacking consequence and sin,
Created entirely within your mind, to discover and pursue your desires within.

Fears of Tears

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To grieve is to gather what you can no longer see,
Through exposed tired irides and a heart full of debris.

In the forefront of my mind, a special place that you’d reserved,
I guess you’re lucky you left first so as to avoid all of this hurt.

Memories of our time together, not even remotely compared,
To the love that you gifted me in the home that we shared.

I would give everything that I have left within me, to see you run through that door,
To hold you in my arms again and catch a breath of that scent that I adored.

You took such a piece of me that night that you left, an empty void that remains within the constraints of my chest.

Now I just exist here without you, a lump in my throat that feels like a thousand tethers,
Left to reminisce how special our time was together.

Tepranillyou

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Pen in hand and thoughts beyond irides green and deep,
Wondering if you still think of me or if my name would you dare speak.

Another bites the dust after all and left of their luggage behind,
And so here I sit again, atop a mountain of realisation that I still have a pair yet to find.

Another crack in the porcelain heart that I’ve struggled so hard over the years to protect, Another notch in the belt of heartache, another sleepless night to reflect.

Another lonely night in this dark room, media tightly wrapped by my hand, A script of thoughtfulness that will shortly become inept.

As I watch it all play out on the screen through tired moments of seen, wanting to drift off and forget but awoken by the torture that has been.

But all of the scenes seem to be the same now, the show must go on..
This movie seems to last forever and a new chapter has begun.

Sat atop the baggage left behind, popcorn in hand.
Left here wondering if this movie will ever eventually end.

Uncomfortably Numb

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A lingering soberness fuelled by a depressed mind, too depleted of energy to pour another glass of wine.

Once again brought to the forefront of my affliction, how much I still hate you for ruining me to feed your addiction.

I’ve since refused to become collateral to anyone else, all the meanwhile still riddled with horrible reminders of living in your abusive hell.

If we were to cross paths again, in yet another cruel twist of fate, there are a few ways I’ve romanticised over all this time of how to retaliate.

I’d love to beat you from atop the pedestal you thought you’d deserved to stand all these years, reduce you to the piece of shit that I used to fear.

Tear apart your mental health and hold you down until you resign, then cut open your face so your scars match those you left on mine.

But why waste more time than time already spent and served, and worst of all gift you the attention of which you definitely don’t deserve.

Hopefully this vendetta is one that I’ll eventually cease to pursue,
But I’m still angry for falling apart but at least I fell away from you.

Destination Isolation

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Lonliness is a drug that long surpasses the night, wears off in the unconscious but comes back in the light.

An addiction easy to fall into, to avoid vulnerability, mistaking carelessness and numbness for a state of tranquillity.

No existing treatment or cure but to open your heart, to someone who could effortlessly tear it apart.

Finding distractions and errands to help my brain to adjust, but in between each task, resurfaces another memory of us.

They say time heals all wounds, but this particular scar I don’t want to conceal, because at the twilight of each day, when the lonliness sets in, at least I know what we shared was real.

10,000 Wails Away

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This life can throw you, in mysterious ways,
Toss you around with the weather, where your ships lie at bay.
Rough oceans meet the shore of your subliminal mind,
Where you’ve laid your trauma to rest and left it behind.


Water belts down from above, onto the graves of your past,
And washes away the tomb that you had formerly built to last.
Exposing thoughts and projections that you kept in disdain,
And flooding them back into reality to cause you pain.


In the wake of the storm, debris scattered amongst the shore,
Collateral to the life that you had once before.
At one time it seemed easy to build a fortress of stone,
But alas, you’ve come to realise that you can’t build it alone.


You meet someone peculiar, and with hope for a chance to reform,
Only to realise that to get to them, you need to venture back through the storm.
Accompanied by violence on your journey through the squall,
The inevitable odd flashes of doubt to where we’ll end up overall.


I know it’s hard to see the good through what seems like an eternal endeavour,
All I can promise you, is that storms don’t last forever.

Rest Peacefully

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Death is a fee to which we all must pay,

Often an award to those who’ve lived a life in dismay.

But for the people that care for you, to the very utmost,

An unexpected mourning, for a fraction of the cost.

When you love someone so deeply, and you cannot fathom their absence,

You need to embrace the moments that you’ve shared, regardless of the time spent.

Because one day inevitably, they’ll be gone to your touch,

To your voice, to your phone calls, that never seemed long enough.

Whether we’ll meet again, maybe after this life,

Or walk parallel again, different dimensions aside.

You’ll be in my thoughts still, until my very last gasp,

Rather than slipping away, into our memory’s past.

Wherever you are, I hope that you are safe,

And at least enjoyed yourself when you were stuck in this place.

For now, we really miss you, as we celebrate a Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Wife,

And I look forward to meeting you again, in this next form of “Life”.