love

Ben here before

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What a sweet surprise you were, when I was beginning to give up,
A lost soul without purpose, with plans of giving up.
Giving up on love to affliction, no corners to be turned,
But you my dear, a breath of fresh air, an unexpected stone unturned.


We together come with our baggage, an abundance of a fear of flying,
But when I fall from the sky, I know you will catch me, and rid my fears of dying.
It’s still early days, and the last thing I want is to scare you,
But you’re effortlessly perfect for me, and I would love for this to continue.


We’ve lost love before, but with you I’m hoping to reignite,
I’m so grateful for you, in the wake of every morning, and the slumber of our late nights.
How serendipitous it was, to come together, how we first fatefully met,
And waking up next to you, in the cold of winter’s morning, has been a comforting pleasure, that I will never forget.


Who knows where we go from here, but I’m excited and eager to find out,
And I look forward to the journey, from present to future, with not an ounce of a single doubt.
The butterflies that flutter within the hole of this very chest,
And the excitement and fear of what I have to expect from you next.


But for now at least, I’m very smitten within the grasp of your warm embrace,
And nothing makes me happier, than the sight of your kind and beautiful face.
I’d love to be your future, rather than the forgetful past,
And I really hope that we can make this work, and for every moment to last.


I can’t wait to see what happens with us, because I have the best feeling,
And you’ve come about at the perfect time, to give my hard work in this life some meaning.
I want you to feel good, quite literally all of the time,
And I want to make you happy, in this life, in this great divide.


Should we not work out at the end of the day, I would hope that I still made you happy and content,
And gave you memories to cherish, and feelings to hold, ’til your very last breath.
Though I don’t think that’s a concern right now, as we are still learning how to see,
And I believe in us, in you, in our time, and what could eventually decree, hopefully.

Fears of Tears

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To grieve is to gather what you can no longer see,
Through exposed tired irides and a heart full of debris.

In the forefront of my mind, a special place that you’d reserved,
I guess you’re lucky you left first so as to avoid all of this hurt.

Memories of our time together, not even remotely compared,
To the love that you gifted me in the home that we shared.

I would give everything that I have left within me, to see you run through that door,
To hold you in my arms again and catch a breath of that scent that I adored.

You took such a piece of me that night that you left, an empty void that remains within the constraints of my chest.

Now I just exist here without you, a lump in my throat that feels like a thousand tethers,
Left to reminisce how special our time was together.

Tepranillyou

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Pen in hand and thoughts beyond irides green and deep,
Wondering if you still think of me or if my name would you dare speak.

Another bites the dust after all and left of their luggage behind,
And so here I sit again, atop a mountain of realisation that I still have a pair yet to find.

Another crack in the porcelain heart that I’ve struggled so hard over the years to protect, Another notch in the belt of heartache, another sleepless night to reflect.

Another lonely night in this dark room, media tightly wrapped by my hand, A script of thoughtfulness that will shortly become inept.

As I watch it all play out on the screen through tired moments of seen, wanting to drift off and forget but awoken by the torture that has been.

But all of the scenes seem to be the same now, the show must go on..
This movie seems to last forever and a new chapter has begun.

Sat atop the baggage left behind, popcorn in hand.
Left here wondering if this movie will ever eventually end.

Destination Isolation

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Lonliness is a drug that long surpasses the night, wears off in the unconscious but comes back in the light.

An addiction easy to fall into, to avoid vulnerability, mistaking carelessness and numbness for a state of tranquillity.

No existing treatment or cure but to open your heart, to someone who could effortlessly tear it apart.

Finding distractions and errands to help my brain to adjust, but in between each task, resurfaces another memory of us.

They say time heals all wounds, but this particular scar I don’t want to conceal, because at the twilight of each day, when the lonliness sets in, at least I know what we shared was real.

Covid – Nightdreams

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In the dead of the night when I’m feeling cold and alone,
Scrolling back through our journey whilst tightly clenching my phone.
Creating ambitious and unrealistic scenarios to reunite with you, in my mind,
Wondering how I’ve come to fall so hard, in such a short amount of time.

I’ve mentioned it often to many of old flames,
That I’ve found my perfect pair, to walk beside in this eternal game.
But I’ll say it again to you, and I hope you’ll stick around,
And be my shoulder to cry on when I’m feeling so down.

To hold me tight against your chest, and hold my pieces in place,
To be able to look in your eyes and again touch your face.
To not have to miss you in every second of each day,
And to tangle myself around you in every single way.

I don’t know when I’ll get to feel you again, or how much longer we’ll have to wait,
Or if our bad luck combined, led us into this unfortunate fate.
But I know I want to share my life with you, and give it a promising go,
And for now just know that I’m completely and irrevocably in love with you, far more than you’ll ever know.

Make a Witch

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I’ve been kicked, beaten and burnt at the stake,

The sorry lone victim of his unfeasible hate.

Whenever the chemicals took hold, and he shifted his gaze,

His pupils grew wide with an undefeatable rage.

I used every little ounce of strength that I had left,

To defend my heart before it was theft.

But it was shattered into pieces that I couldn’t recover,

And I left them with him when I became the insignificant other.

I went away for a while to be with my self,

But my trust for people deteriorated, along with my health.

Awakening anxiety ridden by day, with a force that drew me back to bed.

And the screams of our memories circling around in my head.

I eventually moved on to a man that I felt kept me safe,

He taught me how to heal and again to be brave.

But before long my heart was brought back to me by the one,

Sewn loosely atop a silver platter that glistened in the sun.

So I strayed from the path that I walked with my head held high,

And ran back to the man who once wished I’d die.

Although he was back to his old self, and in love again I’d fall,

After a week of bliss I realised that he hadn’t changed at all.

The future we had envisioned was all traded in for a hit,

And then I began to understand that our old flame could no longer be lit.

I stumbled around, still wounded, trying to find my old ways,

Still hoping that he’d get clean and come back to me someday.

But then something unexpected happened, and caught me completely off guard,

You came out of nowhere, and in your hands held my heart.

No sign of a single stitch, and no pieces were out of place,

You planted it in my hands, and quietly studied my weary face.

Viewing my tortuous celluloid, through the windows of my eyes,

You witnessed a lot of my pain, as I held your hands in mine.

I tried my absolute hardest, to heal first and make you wait,

But turns out it’s pretty fucking hard to ignore an undeniable fate.

I leapt courageously toward you, expecting to once again fall to my knees,

But you caught me and encouraged me to finally set my mind free.

You guided me back to my light that for so many years was lost and dimmed,

And for the first time in many years I don’t wake with thoughts of him.

I’m scared to what obstacles this love will bring as we further pursue,

But I know I’ll remain safe because I’m together, falling with you.

Knight in shining harm her.

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When you’re living in a version of hell, but you don’t encompass the strength to fight.

You’ve fallen so deep that you’ve lost your light.

Melting abroad, as you drag your defeated body over a bed after bed of coals.

Another casualty to the cesspool of broken hearts and souls.

There was a knight who existed in a place concealed to your naked eye.

But he too fell victim to a life he lived a lie.

Powerless, he dove down to save you, only to tear your world apart.

And all that he retrieved was the remains of a girl who lost a battle with her heart.

Cabernet Savemeone

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To the one that I most adore, I have a burning fear inside

The stirring flame of desirable hurt that has me again divide

A pain that seems to dissipate as your fingers tangle around my fists

Drowned by the synchronised beat of two hearts afraid to commit

As I lay thoughtful in the darkest hours, trying to get you off of my mind

Restless with wonder of what goes on beyond those deepest of eyes

I can’t help imploding when you look at me with those pale irides of blue

And any doubtful thoughts of this deviant nexus singularly cease to pursue

I guess I’m both scared and nervous to see how far I’ve to fall

Or how much longer I can resist you before I give in to these ravenous withdrawals..

Go Fuck Yourself.

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When the moon is full but the night is dark, when the wind is dry as your spirit has past.

In the vessel you lay in a quiet wooden box, but your mind travels to a place where it eventually stops.

Here you are greeted by an overwhelming peace, and the demons within you fall quiet and cease.

You’re showed your life lived, along with the mistakes, and explained the reason you wound up in this place.

You fall and feel the grass weave between your fingers, but there’s an uncertainty that hovers over you and lingers.

You stare down into the water and that’s where you see me, standing over your body lying in a ship of Mahogany.

The mistakes you’ve made are forgiven and replaced, with determination and purpose to the life you’re again yet to face.

You’ve a chance to repossess the vessel you left at rest, or to start again anew and hope for the best.

The earth where you lived had been rough and unkind, but you’re unsure still of what you were put there to find.

You shared your love, blood and breath on the way, only to remain lonely at the end of the day.

But I was always there, as much as I physically and mentally could, until the day that I realized it would be me surrounded by wood.

Little did I know that responding to these alarms, would deprive me of the peace that I could only get in your arms.

The spell that you cast has never been broken, despite all the hurtful words that were spoken.

So if you decide not to leave the man in the box, you can come and find me when you’re no longer lost.

I’ll be here my darling until the very end of your time, and your heart will be safe to forever beat within mine.

Listen, her.

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You speak of a wooden heart, and I know that of a story too well, but the splinters break away and tear through my veins to rain blood down on this version of hell.

First born to the sea, floating naively..

Setting sail with notion, this virgin ship sailed it’s first rough ocean, being shoved around by passing waves of emotion..

The sun rapes my eyes upon the horizon..

By the aftermath of the first storm, it took me years to discover that my sails were torn…

See you can take an axe to this heart only to discover it’s cemented seamless core, and no matter the tool you use to pry it open you’ll find yet another wooden door.

And it’s locked.. With a key that’s been lost for years, buried beneath an ocean of tears, from those I’ve lost and those I’ve gained, still causing everyone who climbs aboard, the utmost pain.

With an anchor tied to my feet, embedded so deep without enough room to breathe, I fall under the surface of my own sea, catching each wave as it washes over me.

And I’m tired… and I’m done, what is this life that I’ve succumbed? For which else does it hold if, what is yet to unfold?

I don’t forsee it.. there’s no lighthouse guiding me home, the bulb has long since blown, and now I’m just used to floating alone.

If you happen to find me, be weary of what you drag to shore, because of what seems to be a structured door, is actually rotting at the core.

To ensure your safety, avoid splinters in your heart too, as you’re determined to pursue, this mission of rescue.. When eventually you’ll see, that the waves that once crashed over me, wash us upon this beach.

And as the tide begins to rise, you wipe the sand from my eyes and you come to realise.. where my anchor still resides, pulling me to my demise.