relationships

Tepranillyou

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Pen in hand and thoughts beyond irides green and deep,
Wondering if you still think of me or if my name would you dare speak.

Another bites the dust after all and left of their luggage behind,
And so here I sit again, atop a mountain of realisation that I still have a pair yet to find.

Another crack in the porcelain heart that I’ve struggled so hard over the years to protect, Another notch in the belt of heartache, another sleepless night to reflect.

Another lonely night in this dark room, media tightly wrapped by my hand, A script of thoughtfulness that will shortly become inept.

As I watch it all play out on the screen through tired moments of seen, wanting to drift off and forget but awoken by the torture that has been.

But all of the scenes seem to be the same now, the show must go on..
This movie seems to last forever and a new chapter has begun.

Sat atop the baggage left behind, popcorn in hand.
Left here wondering if this movie will ever eventually end.

Uncomfortably Numb

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A lingering soberness fuelled by a depressed mind, too depleted of energy to pour another glass of wine.

Once again brought to the forefront of my affliction, how much I still hate you for ruining me to feed your addiction.

I’ve since refused to become collateral to anyone else, all the meanwhile still riddled with horrible reminders of living in your abusive hell.

If we were to cross paths again, in yet another cruel twist of fate, there are a few ways I’ve romanticised over all this time of how to retaliate.

I’d love to beat you from atop the pedestal you thought you’d deserved to stand all these years, reduce you to the piece of shit that I used to fear.

Tear apart your mental health and hold you down until you resign, then cut open your face so your scars match those you left on mine.

But why waste more time than time already spent and served, and worst of all gift you the attention of which you definitely don’t deserve.

Hopefully this vendetta is one that I’ll eventually cease to pursue,
But I’m still angry for falling apart but at least I fell away from you.

Destination Isolation

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Lonliness is a drug that long surpasses the night, wears off in the unconscious but comes back in the light.

An addiction easy to fall into, to avoid vulnerability, mistaking carelessness and numbness for a state of tranquillity.

No existing treatment or cure but to open your heart, to someone who could effortlessly tear it apart.

Finding distractions and errands to help my brain to adjust, but in between each task, resurfaces another memory of us.

They say time heals all wounds, but this particular scar I don’t want to conceal, because at the twilight of each day, when the lonliness sets in, at least I know what we shared was real.

10,000 Wails Away

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This life can throw you, in mysterious ways,
Toss you around with the weather, where your ships lie at bay.
Rough oceans meet the shore of your subliminal mind,
Where you’ve laid your trauma to rest and left it behind.


Water belts down from above, onto the graves of your past,
And washes away the tomb that you had formerly built to last.
Exposing thoughts and projections that you kept in disdain,
And flooding them back into reality to cause you pain.


In the wake of the storm, debris scattered amongst the shore,
Collateral to the life that you had once before.
At one time it seemed easy to build a fortress of stone,
But alas, you’ve come to realise that you can’t build it alone.


You meet someone peculiar, and with hope for a chance to reform,
Only to realise that to get to them, you need to venture back through the storm.
Accompanied by violence on your journey through the squall,
The inevitable odd flashes of doubt to where we’ll end up overall.


I know it’s hard to see the good through what seems like an eternal endeavour,
All I can promise you, is that storms don’t last forever.

Covid – Nightdreams

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In the dead of the night when I’m feeling cold and alone,
Scrolling back through our journey whilst tightly clenching my phone.
Creating ambitious and unrealistic scenarios to reunite with you, in my mind,
Wondering how I’ve come to fall so hard, in such a short amount of time.

I’ve mentioned it often to many of old flames,
That I’ve found my perfect pair, to walk beside in this eternal game.
But I’ll say it again to you, and I hope you’ll stick around,
And be my shoulder to cry on when I’m feeling so down.

To hold me tight against your chest, and hold my pieces in place,
To be able to look in your eyes and again touch your face.
To not have to miss you in every second of each day,
And to tangle myself around you in every single way.

I don’t know when I’ll get to feel you again, or how much longer we’ll have to wait,
Or if our bad luck combined, led us into this unfortunate fate.
But I know I want to share my life with you, and give it a promising go,
And for now just know that I’m completely and irrevocably in love with you, far more than you’ll ever know.